


Breaking Point

by RyspositoWritings



Category: Castle
Genre: Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 13:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4831013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyspositoWritings/pseuds/RyspositoWritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Prompt: homophobia at the precinct or old haunt w/ ryan whump and protective espo please</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Point

**Author's Note:**

> Detectives McConnell and Taylor are my own.

                                                          

 

Who can say when the rumors started? It was entirely possible they’d been around the entire time. Maybe from the moment Ryan stepped foot inside the precinct, someone had whispered “gay” behind his back and he never noticed. It was also entirely possible the rumors ceased after he mentioned his first girlfriend. But, if Ryan was being honest, they probably never went away. The only reason they’d never reached him was because no one wanted to fuck with Javier Esposito’s partner.

People were careful like that. Keeping their prejudice hidden so no one thought less of them. They still kept their hateful thoughts, but they made sure those thoughts only reached certain people, which of course didn’t make them any less awful. Nice enough to not say it to his face, but awful enough to keep their terrible opinions.

But that was the thing about rumors. Eventually they made it all the way around. Eventually someone slipped up and, by accident, they were heard by those they were about.

Ryan was sure it had been an accident. There was no way they could have known he was in the stall at the time. He’d spilled coffee all over his suit and was in the process of changing his pants when he heard them talking.

It very much felt like High School. The poor gay kid hiding in the stall while his peers talked about him behind his back. But the fact that they were all adults and this was happening at work made everything ten times worse. It meant that Ryan had never really left High School and all its bullshit. He just stepped out of one hell and into another.

They’d been in the middle of a conversation when they first stepped into the bathroom, but it was already bad enough, Ryan knew he needed to keep quiet.

“...such a goddamn queer.”

“Hey, man, I never said I wanted to date him. I said I wouldn’t mind being his partner. Better than being yours.”

“I’ve saved your ass more times than you can count. Consider yourself lucky we’re on the same team, Taylor.”

McConnell and Taylor, by the sound of them. Two of Ryan’s co workers that were on another team. They were fairly new, newer than Ryan, and very stupid. They were good at their job to a point, but their skill ended at brute strength. Deductive reasoning and paperwork they left to the other two people on their team.

“Okay, well, what about Beckett? I wouldn’t mind being on her team.” Taylor said, a sexual innuendo laced with his words.

Ryan didn’t want to listen to this, as he was already feeling uncomfortable, but he also didn’t want to step out of the stall and have to talk to them. Because, though they already weren’t friends, they were less now than they were.

“Ooh, yeah. Watching that ass work all day would be heaven. But that would mean being on the same team as Esposito and Ryan.” McConnell snorted. “I ain’t working on a team with a fag. It’s bad enough being in the same building.”

Ryan wanted to throw up right there. It had been years since he’d heard that word, and it was very obviously about him. No one would look at _Esposito_ and call him that.

“Wait, which one?”

“Gee, let’s think. Who came to work today in a three piece suit with a pink shirt?” McConnell flushed his urinal and stepped over to wash his hands. “Dude’s got fag written all over him. I feel bad for Esposito. Could you imagine working with a guy like that? I’d be worried he’d want to kiss me or something.”

Taylor joined him in hand washing and the two of them dried their hands and began to leave the bathroom.

“I dunno what you’d be worried about. _No one_ wants to kiss you.” Taylor said.

“Hey, man, shut up…”

Their voices faded, but what they said was ringing in Ryan’s ears. He took a second to catch his breath, past feelings beginning to resurface. He half wanted to find McConnell and punch him in the face, but he also wanted to curl up in a ball and cease to exist.

He took a final shaky breath before finishing the task of changing his pants. He tucked his shirt in and grimaced at the fact that it was pink, feeling suddenly self conscious about it. He’d reasoned with himself over the years that pink was an okay color to wear, and actually looked good on him, but he had no idea his co workers had come to the conclusion that he was gay because of it. And the thing was, they weren’t that far off, but it was stupid to assume that he wore nice clothes because he was also attracted to men.

He stood in the stall for another couple of minutes before finally stepping out. He needed to help his team with the case, he couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Hold up, man, I forgot my phone.”

Ryan looked up to find McConnell rushing back into the bathroom, he stopped when he saw Ryan standing there. Ryan could see the thought pass through McConnell’s head that it was entirely possible he’d heard everything.

McConnell put on a fake smile. “Hey, Ryan.” He said. “I think I left my phone in here, have you seen it?”

Ryan glanced over at one of the sinks and spotted the little black phone on the edge. He reached over and picked it up, taking a step back over to McConnell and holding the phone out.

Feeling a sudden burst of confidence, as this wasn’t High School anymore and he had training now, Ryan glared. “Don’t worry.” He said. “Queer isn’t a disease, so you don’t have to worry about disinfecting that.”

McConnell hesitated before slowly taking the phone. “Hey, look man.” He said, clearly trying to pull an excuse out of his ass. “I didn’t mean-”

“I know what you meant.” Ryan wasn’t even going to let him try to explain himself. There was no excuse for what he said. “Look, I don’t care if you think gay is wrong or whatever, but I would highly suggest you take your head out of your ass and embrace reality.”

McConnell gritted his teeth before dropping the nice guy act. “Okay, you know what? I haven’t said anything because you’re part of the oh-so-special golden team that can do no wrong, and, frankly, I’ve wanted to avoid a fight with Esposito. But if you go tell your boyfriend, it’ll be worth it to tell you this: You’re fucking disgusting. Parading around here like you’re the perfect employee and the rest of us aren’t even worth your time.” He advanced slowly on Ryan, backing him up toward the wall. “Running around kissing Gates’ ass, getting all the good cases, being best friends with that stupid writer. But the thing is, they don’t know about you, do they? Because if they did, you wouldn’t be on their team. If they found out you’re some gross queer that likes dick, you wouldn’t be worthy of their time and they’d find a way to transfer you. Why don’t you embrace reality, Ryan? There’s all this hype that ‘gay is okay’, but it’s all just a fad. Being gay is ‘in’. But once the fad is over, the world’s gonna turn their back on you and knock you flat on your ass.” He was very close to Ryan now. Too close. He hovered over him like a predator. “The reality is that you’re nothing. People don’t like being around fags, Ryan. You’re good for entertainment, but when it gets right down to it, your very existence makes people sick.” He raised his fist and punched the wall right by Ryan’s head, making him flinch. “And, personally, I’m not very fond of people that make me sick. It would be in your best interest to stay the hell away from me.” He gave a self-satisfied smirk before turning around and leaving Ryan alone in the bathroom.

Ryan felt like he couldn’t breathe. Everything he’d dealt with when he was younger had just rushed back over him, drowning him. He stood there for what felt like hours before finally getting the courage to take a step forward and away from the wall. He looked over at himself in the mirror and saw the terrified fifteen year old he once was. Add a black eye, a split lip, and the word “homo” written on his forehead in sharpie, and he’d be the spitting image.

But he wasn’t that little boy anymore. In fact, he could probably take that son of a bitch any day. He just… froze. It was years of torture and bullying hitting him all at the same time like a wave and he choked, letting that bastard walk out of the bathroom feeling like he’d intimidated him.

Ryan gritted his teeth and glared at the glistening tears in his eyes that had yet to fall. More than anything, he was pissed off. How dare he try to make Ryan feel small and insignificant? How dare he waltz in here and cut Ryan down to nothing with just words?

Ryan swallowed and wiped his eyes clean of tears.

Not this time. Ryan refused to be intimidated. He refused to run away. He wasn’t going to let some bigoted dick ruin everything this time around. If McConnell came back, Ryan was going to be ready.

He draped his coffee stained pants over his arm and marched out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t just been scared shitless a second ago.

He walked back to his desk and threw his pants in his bag to take home, not really realizing that he still had a stony expression on and had literally thrown the pants in the bag as if they’d personally offended him.

“Ryan?” Beckett asked slowly.

He looked up at his three partners looking back at him, a little worried.

“What?” He asked.

“Bro, was that your favorite suit or something?” Esposito asked. “You look like you’re about to stab someone.”

Ryan took a second to compose himself and gave them a half smile. “Nah, I just… nevermind. Anything new since I left?”

“Not yet.” Beckett said, giving him one last glance before turning back to the murder board. “Castle and I were just about to run out and see if we can find this Jeff guy. So far he looks like the only lead we’ve got. I figure you and Espo can stay here and try to get in touch with the girl’s parents.”

Ryan nodded as Esposito said “You got it.” and Beckett and Castle turned and left.

As Ryan turned to his computer to fulfill his task, Esposito sat on the edge of his desk. Ryan raised an eyebrow and looked up at him.

“Seriously, bro. You alright? Did something happen?”

Trying to act nonchalant, Ryan shrugged slightly. “What possibly could’ve happened between here and the bathroom, Javi?”

“You tell me.” Esposito said. “You were gone for like twenty minutes, which I think is double the amount of time it should take for you to change your pants.”

Ryan tried not to look at him, especially since Esposito always knew when he was lying. “Nothing happened, I just went to the bathroom, changed my pants and left. I got my foot stuck because I forgot to take off my shoes, but other than that nothing else happened.”

Esposito clearly didn’t believe him, but he let it slide for now. Ryan knew he was probably going to ask again, but he knew Esposito would take his time, which would allow for Ryan to come up with another lie. He hated lying to his partner, but this was a completely different case.

It wasn’t as though Ryan thought Esposito was homophobic like McConnell, but there were different variables to consider here. For one, if Esposito knew someone had threatened Ryan, that someone would probably be dead in the next hour. And for another, well, no matter how much you trusted someone, sometimes they weren’t who you thought they were.

Ryan was pretty sure Esposito wasn’t like that, but that was also what he’d thought about his best friend in high school. No, too many people had turned on Ryan. He decided a long time ago, he wasn’t going to give them that chance. No one needed to know but the person he was with. He’d stay in the closet for the rest of his life if he had to.

He continued on with his day as normal, the after effects of his encounter in the bathroom beginning to wear off. He didn’t see McConnell or Taylor all day, and by the time five o’clock rolled around, it was as if it hadn’t happened.

Of course, Ryan knew he was never going to forget it, but for now, he could breathe easier. He still wanted to find the prick and punch his lights out, but he’d had time to cool off and decided, if McConnell left him alone, he could leave McConnell alone and they wouldn’t have to say anything more about it. If it ever happened again, though, Ryan was going to be ready. He wasn’t going to let McConnell catch him off guard again.

“Okay, Kev.” Esposito said after Beckett and Castle had left. He shut down his computer and stood with a groan. “I think I’m gonna head home and crack open a beer.” He grabbed his jacket and eased it on. “You, uh… You sure you’re alright?”

Ryan looked up from his computer and smiled slightly at the look of concern on Esposito’s face. “I’m fine, I promise.”

Esposito nodded. “Okay. Well, you should get going too. You don’t always have to stay late, you know.”

Ryan chuckled. “I’m going.” He reassured. “I just gotta run down and grab my clothes out of my locker so I can throw them in the wash. My whole locker is starting to smell weird.”

Esposito shrugged. “Matches the rest of the locker room.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Okay, well then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ryan waved and then shut down his own computer, reaching down to stuff the rest of his papers in his briefcase before securing it shut and standing. The precinct was pretty dead, most people having gone home already. Ryan had never really thought about it before, but the place was sorta creepy when there was hardly anyone there. It was like the start of a horror film or something. He shook his head of the thought. Clearly he was still on edge from earlier.

He slung his duffel bag over his shoulder, grabbed his briefcase, and headed down to the locker room, greeting a couple guys on their way back up from what was clearly an exhausting couple of rounds. He opened his locker and began stuffing his clothes in his bag.

The sound of footsteps behind him didn’t startle him, as he assumed it was probably just someone coming down for the same reason he had, but the voice did.

“I thought I told you to stay away from me.”

Ryan stopped what he was doing and turned, raising an eyebrow. “We work at the same place McConnell, there’s no way you and I won’t end up in the same room sometimes. I thought you were a detective.” He turned back around and shoved his last shirt in his bag, zipping it up and securing his locker shut. He sighed when he heard another pair of footsteps. Taylor, probably.

He turned to find them both standing there, looking at him like he had personally offended their mothers.

“Oh, what the hell is this?” He asked. “You two going to intimidate me into making sure I avoid you forever? You gonna beat me up and steal my lunch money?”

“Not exactly that.” McConnell said, his glare never leaving his face.

Ryan knew these faces. They were the faces of people who wanted you dead. The faces of people who hated your very existence. They were filled with rage and, even worse, a sense of confidence that they would get away with it.

Ryan glared right back. If they wanted to fight him, they could go right ahead. It was two against one, and they were quite a few inches taller than he was, but Ryan was gonna go down swinging if it came down to it.

McConnell took a step forward and Ryan was immediately on the defense, keeping Taylor securely in his peripherals as he started to move.

“So what’s your plan here, McConnell?” Ryan asked. “You gonna just beat the gay out of me? Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way.”

Clearly, McConnell thought it absolutely work that way because a second later he was charging at Ryan. Ryan moved to block him, but in doing so, lost his focus on Taylor and was immediately gripped from behind. One thing about fighting other cops, they had the same training as he had.

Taylor’s grip was secure and Ryan could barely move, his arms held tight behind him. It was painful, but he wasn’t going to let that show. He glared at McConnell as he stepped closer.

“The thing you don’t get, Ryan, is I know you’re not going to stop. You’re still going to be queer no matter what I do because you’ve been told that it’s not a choice. A bunch of bullshit in my opinion, but what’re you gonna do?” He shrugged. “No, I’ve had some time to think about it, and I think I’ve come up with a solution.”

“Glad you’re finally putting your brain to work.”

McConnell let that one slide. “What I want you to do, Ryan, is transfer.”

Ryan gave him a look. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Ryan snorted. “Um, okay, let me think abou- no.”

McConnell nodded. “Yeah, I figured you’d say that. Allow me to try to convince you.”

Ryan saw it coming before it happened, but still couldn’t brace himself for the impact. McConnell’s fist hit his ribs and he doubled over as much as he could, as he was still in Taylor’s iron grip. He coughed a little.

“Oh yeah.” Ryan grunted. “You’ve totally convinced me now.” The sarcasm was hard to miss, even for an idiot like McConnell, and it earned him another blow to the ribs.

McConnell gripped Ryan’s hair to lift his head up so he could look him in the eye. “What about now?”

“You’re really fucking stupid, you know that?” Ryan said, his teeth gritted.

McConnell’s mouth twitched before he brought his fist up and then right back down, hitting Ryan in the cheek and making his head jerk painfully to the side.

Ryan instantly felt blood in his mouth and he took a second to spit it out. He chuckled slightly. “Yeah, brute strength. That’s all you are. Can’t even make a decent detective, but acting like a cowardly little shit, yeah you know all about that.”

McConnell growled in rage and Ryan knew he’d struck a nerve. But it was too late to take back his words, and McConnell apparently agreed.

He hit Ryan in the face again, dazing him slightly. He then moved to get a few good shots in on his stomach. Ryan felt Taylor’s grip on him loosen and a second later he was falling to the ground, the pain in his cheek and abdomen distracting him from the pain in his elbow as he hit the ground. McConnell then placed a few well aimed kicks to Ryan’s stomach and then crouched down, gripping Ryan’s hair again and pulling his head up.

“You’re going to transfer, Ryan. Because if you don’t, I’m not gonna stop.” He let Ryan’s head fall back to the ground and then gruffly told Taylor to follow him.

Ryan took a deep breath and waited until they were gone before finally moving. He groaned as he pushed himself up to his knees. He put a shaky hand to his stinging cheek, hissing when he touched it and hating that it was going to leave a mark. He then put a hand to his stomach and felt around, wincing at the pain but knowing he needed to make sure nothing was cracked or broken. McConnell had hit him hard, but it didn’t feel like it was serious. The amount of times Ryan had cracked his ribs on the job confirmed that.

He sighed and let himself relax for a second before slowly getting to his feet with a groan. This wasn’t the first time he’d had to pick himself up off a locker room floor, but he had hoped he wasn’t ever going to have to do it again.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to keep away his emotions, and then grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He had hoped he could just avoid McConnell and Taylor, but if they were going to start seeking him out, he was in trouble.

~.~.~

“Interesting theory, Castle, but unfortunately I don’t think Jeff is an alien.” Beckett said as she and Castle stepped out of the elevator the next morning.

“And how would you know?” Castle asked, taking a drink of his coffee. “Aliens have the

power to make themselves look just like us. There would be no way to tell if he was an alien or not. They’re more technologically advanced than us.”

“Tell you what, Castle.” Beckett set her things down by her desk. “If he turns out to be an alien, I’ll let you say ‘I told you so’.”

Castle gasped. “The four words every human wants to say to their partner at one point or another! I’ll take that bet. And what do you get if he’s not?”

“I get to feel secure that fact will always win over fiction.” She gave a half smile. “And I also get to say ‘I told you so’.”

“Hey, guys.” Esposito said, stepping up to them.

“No Ryan today?” Castle asked.

“He called in sick.” Esposito said, the slight worry only evident in his voice by those who knew him well, which Castle and Beckett did.

“Well, he was acting a little off yesterday.” Beckett said. “But I’m sure he’s fine.”

Esposito nodded. “Yeah, he sounded off today too. And tired.” He added the last bit quietly and more to himself.

Castle stepped to the side as another team walked past their desks. “It’s probably just a twenty-four hour thing. I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow.”

Before Esposito could respond, he heard a snort followed by a whispered, “Not likely.”

Esposito turned, a glare planted firmly on his face. “What did you say?” He said angrily to one of the members of the group that had just passed them.

The guy turned and Esposito knew him as Troy McConnell, his stupid co-worker. The guy was basically a walking dick. Sexist, racist, and, if he had to venture a guess, probably homophobic as well. The unholy trifecta. The amount of times Esposito caught the pig staring at Beckett were too many to be counted and, well, let’s just say Esposito had been waiting for McConnell to give him a reason to deck him in the face.

McConnell smirked. “Nothing.” He said in response to Esposito’s question.

“Sounded to me like you said something about it not being likely that my partner’s coming back tomorrow.” Esposito said, taking a dangerous step forward.

“Well, if you knew what I said, why did you ask?” McConnell’s tone was more than condescending.

Esposito glared harder if it was possible. “Just wanted to make sure I heard you right. What the hell did you mean by it?”

McConnell shrugged after a pause. “Just heard a rumor he was transferring, is all.”

Esposito wasn’t expecting that. “Where the hell did you hear that?”

“What’s the phrase?” McConnell feigned thinking. “From the horse’s mouth.”

“You’re lying.” Esposito said, though his anger was slowly being replaced with worry.

“It’s true.” McConnell shrugged again.

“And why the hell would he tell you and not us?” Beckett asked, stepping forward as well.

McConnell turned his attention to her. “Beats me.” He said. “How the hell do I know why a fag does anything?”

“What the fuck did you just say?” Esposito growled. He took another step forward but Beckett grabbed his upper arm to keep him from tearing McConnell’s face off, which he would’ve been more than happy to do.

“Just leave it.” She said to Esposito while still keeping her eyes on McConnell. “You don’t want to get into a fight in the middle of the precinct.”

“Yeah, Espo. Listen to your boss.” McConnell said mockingly.

“McConnell, get the hell out of here before I change my mind.” Beckett said angrily.

McConnell could decide that women were beneath him, but even he wouldn’t mess with Beckett. He gave them both another look before returning to his team.

Esposito watched him go, glaring a hole into his back, before turning and grabbing his coat.

“Espo, where are you going?” Beckett asked.

“To find Ryan.” Esposito said gruffly, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

“He’s sick.”

“Right, and McConnell’s fucking Santa Claus.” He brushed past the both of them. “McConnell did something and I’m gonna find out what it is.”

“How do you know he did anything?” Beckett asked, following him to the elevator.

“Oh, he did something. Believe me.”

Beckett hesitated. “Okay, well, let me remind you that we’re working on a case.”

“I won’t be long. Just long enough to find out what happened.”

Beckett nodded just before the elevator doors shut.

Esposito was going to kill him. First he was going to kill McConnell for whatever it was he’d

done to Ryan. And then he was going to kill Ryan for not telling him about it.

He took a deep breath as he drove, trying to get McConnell’s face out of his head. It was a face he’d seen many times before on other people. It was the face of a murderer. Someone with so much hatred for someone else that they wished them dead. McConnell was a homicide detective and supposedly one of the good guys, but that much hatred in a person’s face made Esposito wonder if he really was on the good side.

He pulled up to Ryan’s building, suddenly panicking that McConnell might have killed him. Even though he knew that wasn’t true as he’d talked to him on the phone not twenty minutes ago. Prime example of irrational panic.

He had a key, but he usually didn’t use it unless Ryan knew he was coming over. He didn’t want to startle Ryan into pulling his gun on him or something. So instead he knocked.

It seemed to take Ryan forever to come to the door, but in reality it was about the correct amount of time it would take someone to heave themselves off the couch and take the couple steps to the door, so he really couldn’t blame him.

When Ryan finally opened the door, he tried to close it quickly, but Esposito had already seen what he was trying to hide and he stuck his hand out to stop Ryan from shutting it.

“What the hell happened to you?” Esposito asked, pushing the door open.

Ryan let him, knowing there was no hiding the bruise on his face now. “Nothing.” He said,

not looking at him. He turned and traipsed back to the couch, flopping down on it and keeping his eyes averted.

Esposito gritted his teeth. “Okay, let’s try again. What the hell did McConnell do to you?”

Ryan looked up at him, confused. “Who said McConnell did anything?”

“The fact that the fucker told me you were transferring as if you and he were the best of buddies and you tell each other all your secrets.”

Ryan sighed.

“So is it true?”

Ryan hesitated. “I don’t know.” He said softly.

Esposito was taken aback. “You don’t know? What the hell happened between yesterday and now? You were fine the other morning, and now you’ve got a shiner on your face and you’re considering a transfer?”

“I’m not, okay?” Ryan said. “I’m not planning on it, I just…”

“You just what?”

Ryan stood and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”

But Esposito wasn’t paying attention to Ryan’s words. “What was that?” He asked, looking at Ryan’s waist where his shirt had come up just enough for Esposito to see underneath.

Ryan brought his hand down from his head and wrapped his arms around his middle. “Nothing.” He said, taking a step back.

But Esposito wasn’t going to accept that. He took a step forward, quicker than Ryan could react, and gripped the end of his shirt, pulling it up to reveal the giant bruise covering a good chunk of his middle. He lifted his head to look Ryan in the eyes.

“McConnell do this?” He asked.

Ryan swallowed and tried to look away, his eyes brimming with tears. “Javi…” He said softly.

Esposito gritted his teeth and let go of his shirt. He turned swiftly and walked out the door.

“Javi! Javi, wait!” Ryan ran after him. “Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna shove a pencil in McConnell’s eye.” Esposito said before disappearing down the hall.

“Shit.” Ryan grabbed a pair of shoes and his wallet and keys before taking off after his partner.

As for Esposito, He couldn’t focus on anything but getting back to the precinct and creating another murder for Beckett and Castle to solve. Though it would be a short one as they would all end up witnessing it. He didn’t notice Ryan following him out to his car, didn’t hear him when he yelled for him to stop, and couldn’t see him as he drove three cars behind him. His main focus was McConnell.

He arrived seconds before his partner and was already on his way inside by the time Ryan parked his car. He skipped the elevator, opting to take the stairs as they would be faster in his opinion.

As he entered the precinct, he scanned it for his victim. The second he saw McConnell talking with Taylor, he saw red.

After that, it was all a blur. He felt himself walking toward the prick and McConnell had barely looked up before Esposito’s fist was colliding with his nose. He only got one more punch in when he felt two people holding him back.

“You fucking piece of shit!” He yelled at him as McConnell tried to catch the blood pouring out of his nose. “You touch my partner again, you’ll have a lot more than a broken nose to worry about!” Oh, yes. He knew it was broken. Everyone heard the crack.

“Javi, please.”

It was then that Esposito realized one of the people holding him back was Ryan. He looked over at him and got a good look at the bruise on his cheek. He gritted his teeth and looked back at McConnell, struggling harder to get at him for another well aimed punch to the nose. The asshole deserved it.

“What the hell is going on here?!”

Esposito instantly stopped struggling, Gates’ voice reaching him through the sound of blood rushing through his ears. He felt the grip of Ryan, and who he now realized was Castle, loosen, but neither of them let go completely.

“Esposito just attacked me out of nowhere, sir!” McConnell said through the blood.

“Tell that to Ryan’s black eye, you son of a bitch!” Esposito growled.

Gates looked from Esposito, to McConnell, and then back at Ryan. “The three of you in my office, right now!” She said sternly.

Castle and Ryan slowly let go of Esposito, but he didn’t try to get at McConnell again. Instead he glared at him as he walked into Gates’ office before following, Ryan bringing up the rear.

Gates told everyone to go back to work before closing her door and walking behind her desk. She took a second before glaring at them all in turn. They all looked worse for wear. Ryan had the bruise on his face and was still wearing his sweatpants and a tshirt, clearly not expecting to be running down to the precinct this morning. Esposito was ruffled, his face still a little red and his shirt half untucked. And, of course, McConnell was covered in blood.

“So.” Gates said finally, the sharpness in her tone making them flinch. “Who wants to go first?”

McConnell, being the big mouth of the precinct, didn’t even give the other two a chance. “Esposito hit me completely unprovoked and I think he broke my nose.”

“Oh, that’s right, McConnell. I just had to hit someone today and you were the closest.” Esposito said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Why did you hit him, Detective Esposito?” Gates said, trying to keep the testosterone levels down in case they beat each other up in her office.

“Because he hit Ryan first.” Esposito said.

“You’re so full of shit!” McConnell said angrily.

“Detective McConnell!” Gates snapped. She stared him down before turning her attention to Ryan. “Well?” She said softly. “Is there any truth to what Esposito said?”

Ryan never felt more on the spot than he did at that moment. On one hand, he wanted to blurt out the whole thing, let Gates know McConnell was a homophobic piece of garbage. But on the other hand he could feel McConnell staring him down and he couldn’t bring himself to say a word. He looked over at Esposito and then turned his gaze to the floor.

“See?” McConnell said. “It’s Esposito jumping to conclusions. Ryan probably tripped or something.”

“And got bruises all over his stomach?” Esposito glared at McConnell.

“Maybe he fell down a flight of stairs.”

“Alright, that’s enough!” Gates said loudly, shutting them both up. “Detective McConnell, go get something for your nose. I’d like to talk to Detectives Ryan and Esposito alone, if you please. No one can get a word in with you two at each other’s throats.”

“Sir-”

“Now, Detective.”

McConnell gritted his teeth and then brushed past his co-workers, giving Ryan a long glare that said very plainly he was going to do more than a black eye if Ryan said a word.

Ryan was only able to hold his gaze for so long before looking back at the ground and flinching as McConnell shut the door.

Gates moved out from behind her desk and began closing the blinds, keeping the curious eyes of everyone in the precinct out.

“Now.” She said softly, turning back to them and leaning against her desk. “Ryan.”

Ryan looked up at her.

“Did McConnell do something to you?”

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He hadn’t realized before, but he felt ashamed, embarrassed that McConnell was able to hurt him the way he had. Physically and mentally. He took a deep breath and then, very slowly, nodded.

Gates sighed. “Okay, sit down, boys.”

They pulled two chairs closer to her desk and sat, Ryan wincing slightly which did not go unnoticed by the other two in the room.

“Detective Ryan.” Gates said. “I need you to tell me everything.”

Ryan glanced over at Esposito, who had traded his angry face for a concerned one, and then looked back at Gates. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Kevin.”

Ryan looked up at her, surprised at how her voice was not only very soft, but that she’d called him by his first name. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, scrubbing his hands over his face. This was not what he wanted to do this morning.

He couldn’t look at either of them, so instead he looked down at his hands. “Uh…” He cleared his throat. “Yesterday I heard McConnell talking to Taylor in the bathroom. They were talking about which of the teams in the precinct were the best I guess. Anyway, McConnell said he wouldn’t ever want to be on a team with me because…” He trailed off.

“Because?” Gates pressed.

Ryan swallowed and then took a deep breath. “Because they think I’m gay. Something about wearing nice suits and pink ties.”

“That son of a bitch!” Esposito stood.

“Detective, sit down.” Gates glared at him until he complied. “Go on, Ryan.”

Ryan looked over at Esposito, suddenly happy that he was willing to defend him just for that. He turned back to Gates. “After they left, I walked out of the stall and was about to leave when McConnell came back for his phone.” He sighed. “I was angry. I didn’t want someone judging me for that again, so I confronted him about it. And he… he backed me up against the wall and told me… well a lot of stuff. Mostly he told me to stay away from him.”

“Then what happened?” Gates asked.

“Then, uh…” His voice cracked slightly. “Then after work I went down to the locker room to grab my stuff so I could take it home to wash it. McConnell followed me down there…” He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head, dreading what they would think of him when he told them the rest. “I couldn’t… stop it. Taylor grabbed me from behind and McConnell… he beat the shit out of me. He told me he’d keep doing it unless I transferred.”

There was silence after that, Gates and Esposito letting his words soak in.

“Sir?” Esposito said, his voice low. “Permission to beat the ever living shit out of McConnell?”

“Permission denied.” Gates said. She pushed off her desk and stepped over to sit down in her chair, putting on her glasses and reaching down into a drawer for a set of papers. “Detective Ryan, Esposito said there were more bruises elsewhere?”

Ryan hesitated before nodding.

She raised an eyebrow and Ryan stood. He gave Esposito a look before lifting his shirt up slightly for her to see. He then quickly let his shirt fall back into place and sat back down.

Gates grabbed a pen and began writing on one of the papers. “Now.” She said, once she finished. “This is a problem. At this point, it’s Ryan’s word against McConnell’s. This is a fireable offense, but we don’t have enough proof.”

“Enough proof, look at him!” Esposito pointed at Ryan. “What more do you need?”

“Well, proof that it was McConnell who did it, for one thing. We can’t fire him just for being a jerk. If there was a way to link McConnell to Ryan’s injuries, I would fire him right now on the spot. But as of right now all we have is allegations. He claims he didn’t do it and Ryan claims he did.” She took a deep breath. “For now I think the only thing I’ll be able to do is transfer him for his own safety.”

“ _His_ safety?” Esposito looked at her unbelieving.

“I have about twenty or so witnesses that saw you punch him in the nose twice, Detective.” Gates said. “If I tell them I’m transferring him because you’re a threat to his safety, I can do so without much resistance. But as for firing him, I’m afraid there’s not much I can do unless we get tangible proof.”

“What about Taylor?” Esposito asked. “Ryan said he was there, helping McConnell. What if we got him to confess? Or rat on McConnell?”

“Well, a witness would help, but he may not be so quick to throw himself under the bus for the sake of sending his partner down the river.” She took a breath. “But I will have to talk to him anyway. I’ll see what I can do.” She stood. “As for the two of you, I’d like you to go home. Ryan, you look awful and you called in sick already anyway, and Esposito…” She hesitated. “I’m going to have to suspend you.”

“But sir!” Esposito protested.

“For a week.” She said. “I can’t have you hitting people in the middle of my precinct. And besides that… it’ll be harder for me to transfer McConnell if I ignore this. For Detective Ryan’s safety, I need to take all the necessary steps to make sure McConnell is out of my precinct.”

Esposito deflated and nodded. She was probably right. She usually was.

“I will interview McConnell and Taylor and I’m sure Castle and Beckett will inform you of any new developments. For now, go home and we’ll see what happens from here.”

Ryan and Esposito stood and Gates stepped over to the door to open it for them.

“Detective.” She said, looking at Ryan. “I am sorry that this happened and I’m sorry there’s not much I can do. But I will make sure McConnell is out of here before you come back. I never liked him anyway.”

Ryan smiled slightly. “Thank you sir.” He said softly.

She opened the door and let them out, pointing to McConnell, who had an ice pack on his nose, and Taylor, who looked strangely terrified, and indicating they should come into her office.

The two of them brushed past Ryan and Esposito. Taylor was looking at the ground, but McConnell had a triumphant smirk on his face. Esposito wanted to slap it right off him.

After Gates shut the door, Castle and Beckett began interrogating.

“What happened?”

“Are you okay?”

“Is McConnell getting fired?”

“Guys, guys.” Esposito said, holding his hands up. “We’ll tell you everything, just not here, okay?”

They looked around at their curious co-workers, some of them pretending not to eavesdrop and the rest being very obvious about how nosey they were.

“For now…” Esposito shrugged. “I’m suspended for a week, so we’re going home.”

“Suspended?” Beckett asked.

“We’ll tell you all about it later.” Ryan said, grabbing his keys he’d thrown on Beckett’s desk in his earlier attempt to stop Esposito from murder.

“Come on.” Esposito said to Ryan once he’d grabbed his bag and coat.

The two of them left the precinct amongst curious stares and whispers.

~.~.~

They hadn’t gone home together, each taking separate cars and going their separate ways, but Ryan had been going crazy alone in his apartment and he couldn’t take it anymore. Around three in the afternoon, he put on some jeans, hopped in his car, and took the five minute drive to Esposito’s house.

He needed to know. As far as McConnell was concerned, he didn’t care, he just needed to know what Esposito thought of him. If he saw him as a coward or maybe disgust at his apparent sexuality. Regardless, he needed to know, because the one person whose opinion he cared about the most, was his partner’s.

He hesitated as he stood in front of Esposito’s door before rapping his knuckles sharply on the wood. He didn’t have to wait long for Esposito to open the door. When he did, he looked angry, and Ryan suddenly felt the urge to run.

But he’d known Esposito for years and the one thing he wouldn’t do was hurt Ryan. So he stood his ground.

“Can I come in?” He asked.

Esposito hesitated before stepping back and letting Ryan into the apartment. Ryan slowly stepped in and stood with his back to his partner. When he finally turned, Esposito was standing there with his arms folded and a rather pissed off expression.

Ryan put his hands in his pockets. “So, uh… does this change anything?”

Esposito scoffed. “I’ll say it does.”

Ryan nodded and looked at the ground.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ryan shrugged. “I just… I didn’t know how you’d react. I didn’t want you to think less of me.”

Esposito ran a hand over his shaved head. “What kind of partners are we supposed to be if we can’t even trust each other?”

“Espo, I’m sorry.” Ryan said, trying not to let his words get to him. “But, I-I’m still the same guy, right? That hasn’t changed. Just because I happen to like guys-”

“What? No, I don’t care about that. Ryan, why didn’t you tell me what McConnell said to you? I could have helped. I could have been there to stop him from…” He gestured to Ryan’s injuries.

Ryan was taken aback. “Wait, you don’t care that…”

“What, that you like guys too? That would be really hypocritical of me, Ryan.” Esposito sighed. “If someone tries to do something like that to you again, you call me. None of this hiding around keeping stuff from me. I’m not letting this happen to you again, do you understand me?”

But Ryan was smiling.

“What?”

Ryan shrugged. “Nothing.” He said, the smile still planted on his face. “You, uh… you wanna play Madden and get drunk?”

Esposito folded his arms. “First you apologize for not confiding in me.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about McConnell.”

“And?”

“And I promise to let you know if anyone does something like that to me again.”

Esposito nodded. “Good. Now, get ready to lose because I’ve been playing this all day.”

~.~.~

“Hey.” Ryan said, stepping to Esposito right outside The Old Haunt. “Castle and Beckett text you too?”

Esposito nodded. “Any idea what they want to tell us?”

“No, all I know is they wanted to meet here and they have, as Castle put it, some spectacular news.”

“There they are!” Castle’s booming voice could be heard over the loud streets of New York.

Ryan and Esposito turned to greet their partners, smiling at how excited they looked.

“What’s the news?” Ryan asked, his curiosity piqued.

“First let’s get inside and get a drink.” Beckett said.

“Tonight is a night to be celebrated.” Castle announced.

Ryan and Esposito exchanged a look before following their partners into the bar.

Once they sat down and ordered their drinks, as well as a plate of fries to share, Ryan couldn’t take it anymore. “Okay, guys what’s going on?” He asked, leaning forward.

“Do you want to tell them, or should I?” Castle asked.

“You look way more excited about it than I do. You go ahead.” Beckett said.

“Okay.” Castle smiled at the two of them. “Well, right after you two left, the unthinkable happened. McConnell and Taylor come out of Gates’ office, and McConnell has this smug look on his face, like he’s won.”

“And he gave me the weirdest look.” Beckett said. She shuddered. “Guy’s a creep.”

“So Beckett and I are sitting there, trying to come up with ways to make McConnell’s life miserable, when it happened.”

“What?” Ryan asked, clearly too into the story.

“Taylor caved.” Beckett said simply.

“Beckett.” Castle whined. “You said I could tell them.”

“Sorry.” Beckett smiled and shrugged.

“Wait a minute.” Esposito said, holding up a hand. “He caved?”

Castle nodded. “Told Gates the whole story. He asked to see her in her office and blurted out the whole thing. She told Beckett about it later so she could tell you guys.”

Ryan paused. “Wait, why would Taylor tell her what happened?”

“Well, apparently McConnell was taking it a little too far.” Beckett shrugged. “He didn’t tell Gates everything, but from what she could tell, McConnell was bragging about how Ryan was probably going to transfer and Espo was gonna be fired, and Taylor told him to cool it because, I dunno, I guess Taylor has a heart. Anyway, McConnell turned on him. I think he might have threatened him. So Taylor told Gates the whole story.”

“And the best part,” Castle said. “McConnell has been fired and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

“And Taylor asked for a transfer.” Beckett added.

Ryan smiled over at Esposito and Esposito smirked.

“Dumbass got what he deserved.” Esposito said, taking a swig of beer.

“So then, what does that mean for us?” Ryan asked. “Does everyone know?”

Beckett shrugged slightly. “I think it’s impossible for them not to know everything. I’m sure McConnell told some people, and of course there’s some speculation, but we haven’t told anyone what happened. Also, Espo, you’re still suspended, unfortunately, but I don’t think Gates is even going to put it in your record. Mostly I think she just wanted you to cool off. She also suggested Ryan come back the day after tomorrow since McConnell will be in to grab his stuff and the last thing we need is him attacking you for some kind of revenge.”

Ryan nodded.

The group sat in silence for a minute, each taking a drink every now and then.

“So, Ryan.” Castle said.

Ryan looked up.

“We know why he attacked you, but we just wanted to know…”

“Castle!” Beckett scolded.

“You wanna know if it’s true?” Ryan asked. “If I’m gay?”

Castle looked down and Beckett smacked his shoulder.

Ryan chuckled. “The answer is, no. I’m not gay.” He shrugged. “But I’m also not straight.”

Castle’s eyebrows shot up. “So you’re somewhere in between?”

“I guess, yeah.” Ryan said. “I’m still figuring things out, but I’ve always sorta known. The most I can tell you is, if someone is hot, I wouldn’t say no to a date.”

Beckett smiled and then turned an angry glare to her husband. “You don’t force people to come out, Castle. What if he wasn’t ready for that?”

Ryan laughed. “It’s okay, Beckett. I probably would have told you guys eventually anyway. And, hey, if you guys don’t see me as a different person, then we’re cool.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Castle raised his beer and they all clinked glasses in a toast.

“Well, so long as we’re coming out...” Esposito said slowly.

Castle almost spit out his drink. “You too?”

“Don’t look so surprised.” Esposito said, giving him a look. “I’m bi and proud, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can suck it.”

“God, no one tells anyone anything in this group.” Beckett said.

Esposito shrugged. “I always felt the only one who needed to know was the person I was with. But you guys are close friends, so why shouldn’t you know?”

Castle raised his glass again. “To coming out.” He said.

They all raised their glasses and took a drink. Ryan finished up his first beer and announced he was going to the bar to get another one.

Esposito didn’t realize he was watching him walk away until he was leaning against the bar with his ass poking out ever so slightly. He immediately looked down at his drink.

“So…” Castle said, leaning forward.

Esposito looked up. “So what?” He asked.

Castle shrugged. “You like men. And Ryan likes men.”

Esposito glared. “Just because we’re the only two queer guys you know doesn’t mean you need to play matchmaker, Castle.”

“First,” Castle said, holding up a finger. “You are, by far, not the only two queer men I know. Second,” He held up a second finger. “You would not be checking out your partner’s ass as he walked away if you weren’t attracted to him.”

Esposito felt his cheeks heat up.

“...not my fault queers think they own the world.” A loud booming voice reached their table.

Esposito turned in his seat just in time to see some tall drunk guy push Ryan back. The push didn’t do much, Ryan hardly stumbled, but Esposito once again saw red. He was out of his seat and to the bar so quick, Castle and Beckett hadn’t even left their own seats.

“Why should you get free drinks for being a fag?” The guy slurred.

Esposito was by Ryan’s side and, quicker than anyone could react, punched the guy square in the face and sent him sprawling to the ground.

There was a round of applause, this guy apparently harassing anyone he could, and Castle told the bouncer to throw him out of the bar, maybe get a cab for him and send him to the address on his ID.

Esposito watched the guy get escorted out, throwing racist and homophobic slurs as he went. He looked back at Ryan and then promptly stormed out of the bar.

Ryan exchanged a confused glance with Castle and Beckett before following his partner out.

“Hey, Javi!” Ryan called to him once he spotted him walking down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. “Where ya going?” He asked once he caught up with him.

Esposito merely shrugged.

Ryan nodded. “What’s with the pissed off look? You beat the guy with one punch. And, hey, Castle owns the bar, so they’ll definitely let you back in.”

Esposito didn’t respond.

“Hey.” Ryan put a hand on his shoulder and made him stop. “What’s wrong?”

Esposito gave him a long look before putting a hand up to his eyes and rubbing them slightly. “Why you?” He said softly.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Why me what?”

“Why is it always you?” He asked. “Why are people always so quick to treat you like shit? Why are people always messing with you?”

Ryan wasn’t really expecting that, nor did he know where this was going, but it hardly mattered. “I dunno.” He said. “It’s always been like that. I’ve never been the most popular kid in school, especially when they thought I was gay. I mean, I never came out but, I dunno, I guess I have that look. People just like to pick on me.” He tried to laugh it away, but Esposito just gave him a hard stare.

Esposito hesitated. “How can someone look at you and not see… what I see?”

Ryan cocked his head to the side. “What _do_ you see?” He asked, genuinely. Being shoved around and beat up as a kid wasn’t all that great in the self esteem department. What could Esposito possibly see that was special?

Esposito looked him in the eyes, dumbfounded at how little Ryan thought of himself. He swallowed and then reached out and grabbed the front of Ryan’s shirt, pulling him so close their lips were mere centimeters apart.

He never closed the gap, however, not sure if this plan was any good or if Ryan would even want to kiss him. So instead he waited to see if Ryan would close it, if he wanted this as much.

Ryan looked down at his lips and then back up into his eyes. He licked his lips and then leaned the rest of the way.

The kiss was light and soft and when it was over, they lingered with their eyes closed, savoring the moment.

“You want to know what I see?” Esposito whispered. “I see something inside you that is worth more to me than the entire world. I see the one person I know I could never live without. You are everything to me, Kevin. Everything.”

Ryan was not going to cry, he wasn’t. It was sappy and cheesy and clearly a line from a bad movie. But damn it if it wasn’t the most amazing thing anyone had ever said to him.

**  
**There was nothing to be said that could make it any better, so instead Ryan kissed him again. But a proper kiss this time. He wrapped his arms around his neck to be as close as possible without any intention of ever letting him go.


End file.
